CreditsThemed by Cybit.
"I had enough!! I’m sick of you and all this f*cked up logic of yours!"
I can hear my own voice screaming in my head as I type down the words on our chat. She sent me a voice message. She was crying but I can’t understand a word she said.
It wasn’t always like this. We used to talk calmly and fix our problems before bedtime. This time, I guess I was fed up. I was sick of her jealousy and lack of trust. The accusations were just too much for my mind to comprehend.
I lay down my bed and not a glance at my phone. I didn’t want to talk to her. I wanted a piece of my mind, or a peace of mind - whatever you call it. I stared blankly at the corner of my ceiling for a while. The tarpaulin hanging on the wall caught my eye. It was the tarpaulin I prepared for her on our first anniversary. It’s mostly covered with pink and about 12 pictures representing our 11 months of monthsaries and one of our best picture.
Oh yeah, I remembered… Two weeks to go before our second anniversary. It’s been a year since then huh? Too bad we can’t celebrate it together. She is out there in the middle east and I am stuck in this rotten province. Our communication might be the last thread right now that is holding us together. We had a fight…I think I just broke up with her. What is wrong with me? I feel numb and felt like I wasn’t myself.
I stood up and washed up my face. My tears won’t stop from falling but my mind is floating somewhere else. My chest however, I can feel the ache. Why is it the chest? Is the heart really responsible for love? Then why can’t we fix our argument tonight? How did we fight again? Oh yeah..
It started as a simple reply to a girl who messaged me. She is a new colleague at the operating room department that was added to our shift. That girl turned out to be the cousin to one of my closest friends back in college. She kept on messaging me and to avoid looking like an introvert, I replied a few times. One reply she had included pictures of me. I was confused on why she took pictures of me yet I asked her nicely not to post it or upload it anywhere. I stopped messaging her after that.
It turned out that my girlfriend, who is the jealous type, has been visiting my own profile for the last few months. She wasn’t always like that. She started that habit when she went abroad. Without even asking me nicely or saying what’s wrong…she got mad and started accusing me of liking that girl. She said I was “too nice” and didn’t even tell her about that girl. I tried to calm her down but the accusations kept on going. She wanted me to admit to a crime I did not commit. I wasn’t liking other girls. I have been a loyal man all throughout our relationship yet this always happens each time I get a new acquaintance who sadly is - a girl. Each time, with the same approach and accusations: that I liked that girl.
In my surprise, disappointment and anger…I swore a couple times and a couple more along the way. My defense was useless so I blurted out things that I didn’t thought I would say. We argued for over an hour until I snapped. I guess shit happens in relationships too. Though the hurt was strong, though the pain is real… we somehow managed to fix things up.
There are things that we need to remember when we are in a relationship…how to nurture it and how to save it at the most critical times..
-to be continued-
When I was young, my father was a figure that sends fear into my heart. He is huge, loud and scary. He used to wear his brown belt on his mid thirties and each time I made a mistake, he would use it to punish me. He is not that bad though.. mostly he treats his children the way fathers should treat their child. He would always tuck my three sisters in bed and I also caught him once carrying me to bed when I fell asleep in the living room. He would also give us warm milk every morning upon waking us up. He is the iron hand of the house yet he is also our protector.
Last Friday, he had an operation on his middle finger on the left foot. It was amputated and debrided due to diabetes. He was also diagnosed with cavitary tuberculosis. He is taking shots of insulin with sugar levels reaching 300. He is frail, thin and not getting any younger. One more year and you can call him a senior citizen.
At that point while assisting his operation, I’ve realized that sometimes life is unfair. He was a strict parent but his daughters should’ve been here at his weakest moment. They should’ve already forgiven him for his mistakes. Mom should’ve already showed him that she still has an inkling of love for him. It was just me and dad in that operating room, they already lived their life at their fullest and I think I am the only one left who saw his aging.
I do pray his health will get better now and I won’t stop taking care of him. I will treat my father like how I want my children to treat me too. He took care of me to be the man I am now and It is my turn to take care of him.