-I Wish You Were Here-

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When I was young, my father was a figure that sends fear into my heart. He is huge, loud and scary. He used to wear his brown belt on his mid thirties and each time I made a mistake, he would use it to punish me. He is not that bad though.. mostly he treats his children the way fathers should treat their child. He would always tuck my three sisters in bed and I also caught him once carrying me to bed when I fell asleep in the living room. He would also give us warm milk every morning upon waking us up. He is the iron hand of the house yet he is also our protector.

Last Friday, he had an operation on his middle finger on the left foot. It was amputated and debrided due to diabetes. He was also diagnosed with cavitary tuberculosis. He is taking shots of insulin with sugar levels reaching 300. He is frail, thin and not getting any younger. One more year and you can call him a senior citizen.

At that point while assisting his operation, I’ve realized that sometimes life is unfair. He was a strict parent but his daughters should’ve been here at his weakest moment. They should’ve already forgiven him for his mistakes. Mom should’ve already showed him that she still has an inkling of love for him. It was just me and dad in that operating room, they already lived their life at their fullest and I think I am the only one left who saw his aging.

I do pray his health will get better now and I won’t stop taking care of him. I will treat my father like how I want my children to treat me too. He took care of me to be the man I am now and It is my turn to take care of him.

Revived.

Hello everyone! Some of you might wonder “who the hell is this i’m following here?” haha.. Just a quick catch up.. i am Bob Melendres from Philippines and I own a semi-personal (is there such a thing?) blog that is mostly made up of rants, stories, love and other ordinary stuff.

If you’ve read my previous couple of rants.. it’s just about myself not being able to get a job and quarreling episodes with my girlfriend.

In contrast, I am now a Casual Nurse at a provincial hospital.. assigned in the Operating Room for almost 6 months now. (yayy!!) Also, we’re not having any major problems with my girlfriend right now. We’ have a LDR right now though so.. I guess I’ll just update you that on another post.

I am very happy with my life and I’m totally ready now to revive this blog and I promise to make it better, informative and more mature than I was a year ago.

That’s all for now and stay cool you guys. love yah! ^__^

Love is Like a Burning Campfire

Throughout the years I’ve come to conclude that the one you love is like a burning campfire. Stay too far and the wilderness will harm you. Stay too close and the flames might burn you.


I am but a boy who used to have a girlfriend who lived far away. I am not like the others, I’ve never looked at anyone else. When the flames burned down and the passion was gone, even the intimacy of our bodies and the stare of her eyes won’t suffice the once overflowing love that I had. Still, I stayed because I was afraid to hurt someone. Afraid because I might raise questions with my peers. Afraid that I might hurt my family and the new family that I had. Everything changed when I met this girl. Every morals that I spat to all the men who don’t treat their girlfriends nicely. Every prayer that I asked once to God. Every dream. Every heart beat. Everything. I need to be with this girl. “I found her” was screaming in my heart. The citadel of my whole being shattered in an instant. She didn’t even do anything to make me feel like this. This feeling in my chest, daydreams, even conversations. I can’t stop thinking about her. I caught myself staring at her as she simple laughed or smiled. I can honestly say that I was in love.


I stepped out of my comfort zone and followed my heart. I felt reckless yet so sure. Uneasy but happy. I don’t want to live in a lie…I don’t want her to live in a lie too. As I broke her heart and glanced away, I know she’ll find someone who will love her someday. I was scared yet looked forward to this girl. I patiently waited until she finally said yes. I was the happiest person on the planet that day, I was sure of it. Things don’t go smoothly as I expected though.


We get into arguments from the start until now. She was once a happy person, a cheerful one. Everyone around her smiles when she is around. In the process of trying to be with her, I also broke he heart. In the middle of a battlefield, she was caught in a crossfire and I wasn’t able to protect her. The once clear and dazzling window of her soul are now tainted with hate, sadness and doubt. In the attempt of getting the one I love, she was badly damaged and now stitched by my amateur heart. I wanna heal her, but the efforts seem futile. Still we endured, we looked forward. We hoped “everything will be alright”. We fought then fought for it. Love was tossed, trampled and patched back.



With all the quarrels that we had we became stronger and tougher. A love - hate relationship that reaped what it sow. I wasn’t asking for too much, and she wasn’t asking too much too. All we need was love, yet from the both of us…it seemed hard to find. There are times we felt like we’ve known each other for so long… countless times we felt like strangers. Every bit of our personality showed up by then, our worse to worse…our bad to evil. This wasn’t what we wanted yet we keep bashing on each other on who loved most and who lacked love the most. It became a competition. A struggle. A battle. We came too close…just like a moth towards the candle. What amazes me most is our ability to hold on this much. We never gave up. We both have scars yet we lived on. This partnership. This companionship. This relationship. I need it. I love it. I will fight for it.



I don’t want to let this go. It hurts too much to even think about not having it. I want to be with this person until I grow old. She may be tactless at times, but she’s my baby. She may have a self-esteem of a 3-yr. old but she’s my girlfriend and soon to be wife. From the moment I saw her, I want to be with her. Now that I am with her, I don’t want to let go of her. God may have plans of his own, but I know I must also do my part. I will do my best. The wilderness may be wild but I found a place to stay, right here in the warmth of her heart.

chotto matte kudasai!!!

RAAAAHHHH!! Oh…wait. Every chatter around the block sounds like japanese gibberish after the “FAIRY TAIL” anime marathon I had last night…


Well, it has nothing to do with this post. I was just letting off steam last night after another quarrel with my girlfriend and a day fun-filled with CV (curriculum vitae) spreading all around the internet. I guess my CV doesn’t look that attractive yet. MANNNNNN….MENNNNNN!! This sucks. I must be the most stagnant nurse out there…I’ve been in and out of action for 2 years now and I still haven’t got the opportunity to go all out with my nursing skills…. I miss my perfect 90 degrees intramuscular injection skills and my 15 degree one shot, ultra 100% accuracy intravenous injection and last but not the least… my All nighter, nocturnal duty mode (this mode is not applicable when I had a heavy dinner). MENNNNNN!!!


I’ve sent my CV almost half of the interwebs and none of them seem to trust foreigners with no job experiences. They are scared to take a chance. Scared that people with no experience might kill a patient… mennn…I’ve seen death and murder with my very own eyes, I’ve heard the cries of a thousand relatives who just lost their loved one…I’ve seen tragedies of babies and mothers. I’ve seen worst and I’ve handled cases much darker than that, yet the few and proud nurses with bad luck and low opportunities doesn’t seem to get picked with these jobs. MENNNNN!!! Is this fate? Is this destiny?


Shall I proceed being a nurse or gain money now by other jobs? I don’t want money… I just NEED it. I want to grasp it, smell it, bath in the fruit of my labor and hardship… MENNN… Shall I proceed in “get-rich-quick” schemes? Shall I embark on a journey of business instead of rendering care to those who need it? I know God laid out a plan for me… but for how long… yes, I must wait. I trust Him and I know there is that one job out there for me. I must seek it. I must find it. I must continue to strive…. even in hunger, even in misery, even in envy and out of desperation I shall endure…. I know there’s something out there for me. Please hold on. Please wait. Please wait for me my precious future…my career… my destiny…I shall believe…

Nokorimono ni wa fuku ga aru….chotto matte…. 

OAG

Although it’s more than a year now, I still don’t seem to understand a few things about my girlfriend…or in women to make it fair enough. I love her and all the cheezy stuff but sometimes it comes in my mind that my girlfriend must be some kind of psycopath, mutated alien from venus.

How is it possible for a girl to think that her boyfriend is taking her for granted based on a single fuckin’ text? Come on… She asks you what you are doing just when you were about to text her what you were doing, then BOOM… quarrel. You tried to shit down the toilet because you’ve been holding that shit for too long, pick up your cellphone afterwards then BOOM…”You didn’t text me when you got home, we must break up”. 

Okay, okay…I exaggerated a bit on that one…but that is our usual scenario right here.  One text, one call, one lame “YO” missing from “I LOVE YOU” and then she thinks that I am doing a shortcut of my love for her. Am I doing this wrong? Am I the one at fault here?

Just a few months ago we argued about something that I can’t even remember. It was about a forgotten text, that’s for sure. She replies with a clearly sarcastic text, you ask her if she’s okay or “what’s the problem babe?” and then I get the usual…”it’s okay, everything’s fine”. Sometimes I wish I can read minds or turn back time or do a “kagebunshin-no-jutsu” just to satisfy a woman. Men are simple creatures….we eat, we drink, we sleep, fap and then repeat vice versa. Women on the other hand…I can’t even start writing here the things that pleases them. It’s just not fair! After every argument…everything we say shall be null and void. Women will always be correct or else they would break up with you. That’s something I don’t wanna happen but how will I survive the pain-staking moments that you know you are correct but you just can’t do anything about it. You know you are saying the truth but it seemed like they have a passive ability of being more cautious than your local bank managers. The ability to have an aggressive behavior and then get away with it. In the end, all we get is “blame it on the menstruation”… “menopausal” if they are in their mid 50’s.


What I’m trying to say here is that men don’t want any trouble. We want you to be happy but we hate guessing games. We want you to be satisfied but we are shit-clueless and your verbal powers are more useful before an argument rather than during an argument. Keep it simple girls, love is not that complicated…breakdown in communication makes it chaotic. Let’s not let the “breakup” or “cool off” words spread out just like that. And do not let one lazy forgotten text message ruin your relationship. Ahhyt.  Chill out.

Everyday I’m Travel-ling.

It’s more fun in the Philippines :D